My Anonymous Season

7/15/21

Now that I've made it back to Cali safely I woke up reflecting. The last 2 years of my life have been the hardest 2 years of my life. When Apostle Jason Guerrero passed I didn't only deal with him leaving I also dealt with the grieving of leaving. You can have the best situation and God give you instructions that can baffle many. For me his leaving led to me transitioning from a place and a people that I loved. But sadly, that decision cost me more than I expected. It was not for me to defend my decision or my obedience. It was for me to walk in the direction and the leading of the Lord.

That was a pain I'd never experienced and a journey I was unfamiliar with. This led to depression, sadness and many questions without answers. Though one of the hardest times it has become one of the most beautiful times and powerful experiences.

I literally received a spiritual overhaul which dealt with the hidden things, the secret things and the unknown things on the inside of me. God did a work which is now undeniable on the outside. I call it my Anonymous season. Some challenged, rejected and disrespected the choice. But I learned the power of not being influenced by man but being totally yielded, submitted and obedient to God. That season of yielding was humbling, hurtful and revealing. I saw where my identity was being connected to my gift and not solid and sure in Christ. I discovered if I never hold another mic, if I never write another book, if I never release another word my foundation now is sure in Christ. My gifts are not my definition.  My abilities are not my identity. My calling is real and my foundation is secure.

Although I experienced heartache, being misunderstood and even knowing others were trying to erase me out of people’s heart's my devotion is to Christ. I don't defend being pleasing to Him. Now that I'm on the other side of this I've seen Him restore words, dreams, passions and relationships. I'm thankful for how He's cultivated and transformed me for the new that I'm experiencing. Many people desire natural things but the gift a restoration is priceless. He truly has restored my Soul. Although I carry the "weight" of the pain I can truly say I'm the freeist. I'm the happiest. I'm the boldest.  I'm the strongest and I'm the most focused on representing the image and likeness of Christ. He is my compass and where He leads I will follow. Truly I'm on my way to Greatness!!!

#MaShaniAllen #TheGoldenScribe #TheJourney #Truth #Transparency #Honesty

#Thankful