Healing Truth
11/11/19
I was at a women's leadership conference last week and had a moment I wasn't expecting. Though the title was about purpose the bulk of the speakers spoke on mentorship. When we broke into small groups the moderator seemed to say mentor or mentorship with every other word. To my surprise my eyes began to swell with tears. As each tear fell I gently wiped them away. When the floor was open for us to share I slowly raised my hand. In a room of mostly strangers I shared how I'd lost 3 mentors in the last 3 years. I also let them know when AJ my Apostle passed and my twin sister said something so powerful. When I talked with her I told her how all 3 (Prophetess Sharol, Eld/Prophet Toni & Apostle Jason) poured so much into me. She listened and said. "They poured so much into you because they knew you could carry it on." Though I could tell some were shocked by my words and stunned by my tears I didn't hide them. I don't try to hide or stop my tears l let them flow to stay free. Trying to control your healing will make you sick.
I'm not hiding behind scripture to avoid my emotions, I chose to live the scriptures which frees me to feel and express my emotions. Some may want to rush this season but I'm allowing God to take His time. We read about how there's a time and a season for everything but then encourage people to rush and some just ignore the time to mourn. I believe it's because death brings a level of vulnerability like nothing else does. But that vulnerability is purposed for your dependence on God and your healing to come from Him. I'm not running away from my calling, I'm being fortified even the more for the call.
I wrote a book 2 years ago called Tear Talk. I find in this season my tears have a lot to say. They show I was loved, nurtured and groomed for something bigger than myself. They express that I'm alive and my journey had afforded me some awesome experiences with some amazing people. They express what I sometimes can't verbalize but when my tears want to talk I allow them to speak.
